Fine Friday: Jean Paul and Dean

I don’t think I’ve ever made two people my Fine Friday man on one day, but with these two just had to add them together.   Dean has actually been on my blog years ago before I ever even knew him.   The first time I met J.P. I just had a feeling, I had met a good soul.   And handsome too.   I felt an instant connection.   I just knew we’d end up being friends.   Dean is just as nice.  The two have made me feel very welcome with their friendship. The two of them are a very happy couple.  They are together as one.  I feel very happy being around them.   They are very considerate of each other and you can just tell how much they love each other.   They are my friends, but yes I think they are both fine sexy men, so had to add them to my Fine Friday.  Hope all have a wonderful 4th of July.  More later.  I got to go to bed.

A little heart

Lately I’ve been thinking about heart.  When do I ues mine, lately it seems I try and stay so busy, either with work, or the photography.   Or out with friends, or just out having some fun.   I wonder sometimes which is the real me.  There’s the fun wild Derek, that loves to have fun when he goes out.   No hair on the head but let the hair down so to speak.  There’s the serious Derek when he’s working or creative when I’m taking pictures.   Then there’s just the plain ole comfortable me when I’m with my friends.   But what’s at the heart of me.   I went to Europe a little over 10 years ago.    I had to get my new passport  when I went to the Bahamas, and my old passport had just run out.   In Europe I was enthralled by the old great cathedrals, they were breathtaking.   Their massive ceilings were too heavy for the walls to support, flying buttresses were built to support the expansive roofs.   Yes I took drafting in college, lol.   Our body is like these wonderful cathedrals.  We have these support extensions like the cathedrals buttresses that help hold us up while we remain weak at the core.   For me it’s my pastor, my therapist, my friends, my family, my church family, rules I’ve made for myself, books.  But how heavily can we depend on them.  I think they are important to the body, but I think we shouldn’t depend on them too heavily.   I think only we know how to build our healthy heart.  I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.  I guess that in our heart, it’s the place where its just one on one with us and God.  Where he meets and relates to us personally.  It’s where  He allows us to respond to His correction.  Sometimes my heart is open, but sometimes I feel its closed so tight.   I know my life and relationship is changing.  I want to open my heart.   I want help letting my heart trust again, that’s what I yearn for the most.  I also wonder how to bring all these me’s together as one.  Sometimes I wonder if my friends know which one I really am, guess they don’t if I don’t.  But between God and me I know!

They done had another baby (Harley)

Well I warned Gavin to get his tubes tied, but once again he done birthed another baby.  Little Harley is so sweet.  I told Gavin he had his eyes.    Been busy lately.  I will still be posting pictures from the Bahamas later.  Been busy with work and the photography.  Have another shoot next weekend, then a vacation weekend, then a shoot the following.  Fun, fun.  I am loving it though.  I got to spend some time getting to know a friend of mine a little better this weekend, that was nice too.   Last night went over to Mike and Gavin’s, oh man was there a lot to eat.  Church was good today, but we found out we are not going to be able to move into the new church.  Their bishop doesn’t approve of civil unions being performed in that church.  So we won’t be moving, so on with the search.  Had lots of things on my mind lately, hope to try and find some time and sort things out in this ole taterhead of a brain.  Anyway hope all have been well, last night of the weekend.   Think I may go see the new Angelie Jolie movie “Wanted”.

 

 

 

still thinking about vacation

 

Well it’s been exactly a week since I left for my dream holiday.   I had so much fun in the Bahamas.   The first big thing I had to do for the trip was shave my beard, so my mask would seal.   I didn’t have an electric razor.   It took almost a full hour for me to shave it all off, and it left me with quite the razor burn.   The boys and I left Friday night, stayed in Orlando, and got up early Saturday morning for flight to Ft. Lauderdale and then on to Nassau.  Before I knew it we were there.   It was hot in the airport, but I couldn’t help but being excited.   The airport was really small, and we waiting an hour for the rest of our party of 7, total 10 to arrive so we could all take a vantaxi to the liquor store followed by our stop at the docks.   Poop Deck #2.   We spent the day in Nassau our first day mostly on foot.   I suffered with new shoes causing blistors on my first day, until I finally bought some better shoes.   Relief, I had my trusty camera along for the walk, and was mostly in awe of the beautiful color of the water, and Atlantis on the other side of the bridge.   We walked past parliement, went to the Pirate’s Museum, and had a night of fun, dancing, food, and drink, before we all made it back ready to hit the high seas the next day. 

The pirate’s musuem was fun, it was fully air conditioned, and it was the only time the first day walking around I remember being really cool.   I also took my first picture of a Bahamian woman.   Her name was Betty.  More later.

Back from the Bahamas

Fine Friday: Jim

Today I thought I’d put our faithful bartender at 616 Jim as my fine Friday man.   He’s one of our sexiest bartenders in Jax.  616 is our local hangout when we do decide to go out,   Jim is a sweet man, and one of my favorite bartenders in Jacksonville, he’s also a movie star, lol.   I won’t tell them the name of that Falcon movie you made Gooch. We all are just crazy about him, he’s got some nice art on his bod too.  If you want to say hi to him he’s at  ohfarmersboyg1@aol.com  Or if you make it to Jacksonville go by 616 and say hey, tell them tallnfuzzy sent you.   I need a massage before I head off to the Bahamas.   HOpe to be posting a bunch of pictures when I get back, everyone have a great week.

My first letter to Autumn

I’ve sent her  cards before, but today was the first day I ever wrote my eight year old niece a letter.   I also sent her two pictures in 8×10 of some dragonflies that I took pictures of, she loves dragonflies.  I never realized how beautiful they are until I started photographing them for her.   I also sent her this cool story of the dragonfly, which I so love.   Makes me think of us.   How we try to tell our friends or family to give us a sign after they leave of what is beyond.   I think maybe we will be much like the dragonfly in that respect.

 

  

Dragonflies

 

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more. “Look!” said one of the water bugs to another. “one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?” Up, up, up it slowly went….Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn’t return… “That’s funny!” said one water bug to another. “Wasn’t she happy here?” asked a second… “Where do you suppose she went?” wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. “I have an idea”. “The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why.” “We promise”, they said solemnly. One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above. When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn’t believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings…The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!! Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before. The dragonfly remembered the promise: “the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why.” Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water… “I can’t return!” he said in dismay. “At least, I tried. But I can’t keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I’ll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they’ll understand what has happened to me, and where I went.” And the dragonfly winged off happily into it’s wonderful new world of sun and air…….

We come from da mountain

No this is not my usual attire, dreadlocks and island hat, its from the conert this past weekend.   I gave Turk my camera to take some pictures from the concert.   Here’s a few. 

It was so nice to look out in the audience to see so many of my friends in the audience, Linda, Susan, Julie, Theresa, Mary, Sherry and her husband, Turk, Karl, Drew, Mike and Gavin were all there.  Drew even one the drawing.  I had so much fun, really enjoy singing with the First Coast Chorus.  I sitll have so many pictures I havn’t posted.  I took many from camping last weekend that I still havn’t posted.   I may just send a link to my picture website.   Also leaving in 2 days for the Bahamas and I’m so ready.

Fine Friday: Big John

Honestly usually guys younger than me don’t catch my eye as much, but it seems with age, lately I’ve been finding some younger men very sexy.   John is one of them.  Some about that sexy crooked smile.   I have a crooked smile too.  I just got home from the first night of our concert.   It went really good and we had a blast.   It was a lot of fun.   All the girls came to see me tonight.    Julie, Teresa, Linda, Susan, Mary, Sherry, and her husband.   Tomorrow the boys should be coming to see me.  Well I’m totally beat.  Night folks have a great weekend.

Connections

I’ve written about this many times, the subject of worry.   I’ve written about how I worryied about so many silly things as a young boy.  I made straight A’s in grade school, but still I didn’t understand that at the end of the year when we got our report card, I was worried that even though I made all good grades the place on the report card would say I had to stay in the same grade and repeat it again.    I would spend the whole night worrying the day before report cards would come out.  Why did I have this sense of failure even though I had made good grades throughout the schoolyear.   Christmas Eve, I would worry that I would wake up and Santa hadn’t come to see me.   I worried about all the bad things I had done throughout the year and wondered if any of them were bad enough that I would end up giftless.   Even to this day when my pastor begins to talk about worry in a sermon.  I sense that she is staring at me and making sure I am paying attention.   I hate to admit it but oh I do worry.   About my family when they are going through a hard time, about my friends when they are hurting and I don’t know how to reach out to them.  And about myself, still silly things as I did in grade school.   Jesus said not to worry somewhere in the bible.  Am I getting any better than I used too be.   I want to believe that I am.  I am very grateful for the way that God has cared for me in the past.   Sometimes it is so hard for me to just depend on God instead of myself.   So many times I try to control situations that are not mine to control.    Lately I’ve been filling my every waking moment with something.   Work, come home edit pictures for my photography, chorus practice, my concert is this weekends.   Spending some time with my friends, this weekend camping was wonderful spending it with them and nature, and just soaking up the beauty of the Earth and all of God’s wonderful creations.  I feel like I’m still not being still enough!  I’m passing through so many days.  Am I making a difference?  Am I doing what I was put here to do?  It’s like we are on a search for joy.  With me it seems I go in so many directions, dream vacation/ yes I’m leaving for the Bahamas in 8 days.  I’ve been finding food and friends to be part of joyful living.  This is all wonderful and great, but still I know in my heart there is something more I’m supposed to be getting out of life.   The greatest gift is my relationship with God and His son Jesus.  I still feel I’m learning to pray.   I’m forty years old, and still learning to pray.    I’m still trying to find balance in my life, and it is hard.   I spend much time on unproductive things too.   I feel a little back in forth in my feelings in this entry.   There are parts of my life I’m proud of and there are parts of my life that I would love to change.   It’s like I know we are all a part of each other, everything is connected.   For good or bad we touch each life we come in contact with.   I just hope my good outweigh’s the bad.   I worry sometimes about that.  How’s that saying go?   To be anxious about nothing, pray about everything.