Prayer! I’ve been writing about my heart.  Tonight I”m thinking about looking to God in my heart.  I’ve been thinking about my prayer life.  What it is, how I pray, how often.    Learning prayers, and prayerfulness.  I sometimes recite prayers from memory over and over.  The Lord’s Prayer, “Jesus Prayer” is my favorite lately.  Jesus have mercy on me a sinner.  Pray without ceasing is something that has been on my mind from time to time lately.  I was able to share with a friend about it.  What does that mean?  How can we live life, with its many demands and obligations, as an uniterupted prayer?   Today I have found myself there.  Crying out to God.   The solitude I found today was my church.  I have a key to it, it’s been raining steady for three days.  Although it has been a wonderful three days, and I’ve found much solitude.   I’ve been finding me again, the things that make me feel happy, the things I promised myself I wouldn’t lose in myself.   Seems many times in relationships, sometimes we lose little pieces of ourself.  It is not a conscience choice.  Sometimes I think it just happens gradually over time.   For me  I think I try to do and be everything I think someone wants me to be, and lose a little bit of that wonderful me that I already am.  Beloved by God.   Sometimes there is so much fear and agony in us.  Fear of people, fear of God, and with me just a lot of anxiety sometimes.  I wonder if fear is not our main obstacle in prayer.   Today I lit a candle, turned on the light of our big cross and just cried out to Him.   I said Lord I think of how I just want to be loved and how sometimes I keep a little corner of my inner life for me.   God do I hide it from you too.  I don’t want to .   I know you know all my thoughts.   So I bring these thoughts to you as well.  Sometimes I am stingy, sometimes the things in my mind and heart are hateful thoughts, sometimes I have bizarre dreams.   None of those things I can hide from you.  I bring it all to you God.  I don’t even want to hide my shameful thoughts from you.   I know I’ve been working through much with you.   Even worries, resentments, and disturbing thoughts we don’t wish to share with anyone.  Sometimes I don’t even want to share them with you.   But I did.    Then I listened.    And I listened, and I listened.  I prayed that I wanted to love like my brother Jesus.    Then I felt this love not only within my heart, but like I felt the Lord behind me as I knelt in front of the cross.   I am thankful for this time, and how my prayerlife has been changing.  A friend gave me a plaque that said Faith on it.   Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.   Hebrews 11:1.     I am thankful for that.   Faith is what is important in prayer.   I’m praying now that I keep this discipline in my daily life.    I used to think I was supposed to be Vulnerable with others.  But I think it’s to God is where we are to appear vulnerable in the light of our presence, with Jesus in our heart, confident in His mercy and He is always willing to listen to me at all times and places.

~ by deveil on MayUTCb000000pmSat, 04 May 2013 22:11:42 +000013 19, 2007.

2 Responses to “Prayer!”

  1. As in Matthew 16:24-25, We must pick up our crosses daily if we truly want to be His follower. For far to long we have been so accustomed to the likes and wants of others. When in reality our biggest fan is He the ultimate forgiver, our path to grace.

  2. I love that verse from Matthew!

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