Opened the door, and what do I find 100’s of other closed doors

I wrote about the door that I was about to open the other day.   Well I opened it, and yep, there’s 100’s of other closed doors on the other side.  Guess that’s part of our journey’s too.    Guess the first door I opened up is the door to my heart.   Seems lately I’m trying to find that again, the things that make me happy.  The things that make me real.  Lots of questions.  I see others embarking on spirit journey’s, and I guess in my own way I’m on mine as well.   I’m on a quest for spiritual direction.   Trying to figue out who I am, where I come from, and where I’m going I guess.   Thinking a lot about prayer, and who God is for me, and trying to figure out where I belong again.    Not that I ever stopped.  Sometimes I guess it’s a journey we take all the days of our lives.  I am looking within to my heart.  I think about this door I am opening.  I think how I’ve gone from door to door.  45 years I’ve lived, how long did God’s people wonder in the desert wilderness?  40.   I hope I’m listening a little better than I have in the past.  Last night, I listened to a sweet friend of mine going through a breakup.  So much confusion, so much hurt.  I know a little about being in that in betweeness of confusion and hope.  I find myself looking many days for Solitude.   Some days are much harder to find than others.  Does it ever feel like a paradox to anyone else out there?  Looking for solitude, but also knowing you can’t just stay cut off from the world and just be with God all the time.  It’s like you have to lose to gain.   I think of how we cling to our friends, we may lose them.   I think  of how I made many friends when I wasn’t being possesive.  These are lessons for me.  Those things we seek sometimes so much or desire, but it often vanishes as soon as we get it.  I’m looking for God, is He looking for me as well?  I think a little more about that dream I had.   Sometimes I  write, like today, like I’m trying to figure out something.  I’ve prayed, I’ve  been still, but yet here I am, trying to figure something out.    Guess I’m just trying to figure which door to open next.   Sometimes in all this solitude.   Another mentor would be nice as well.   Somethings saying to me then find that mentor if you want it.  🙂  Believe it!  Have faith!  I took this picture at one of the downtown Jacksonville old churches a while back.  I love old stained glass in church’es.009


~ by deveil on AprilUTCb000000pmTue, 30 Apr 2013 17:27:15 +000013 19, 2007.

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