Still Thinking

It’s funny that I named this blog, “Still Thinking”, something I’ve always did, something I’ve been doing a lot of lately.   I keep saying to myself write it all down, but I don’t do it as much like I used to, although, I have plenty of time to.  My journey, that’s what I have been looking at.   I also am blessed to have others been part of my journey, and still part of my journey, and me part of theirs.  I’m trying hard to get all my thoughts together and post about it.  It’s like this new door has presented itself.   Have I opened it yet , guess I’m still there thinking about opening it.    My heart is open, this I know.  I am learning to have compassion with myself and others.  Seems in my 45 years the door to love has opened and closed as many times as I’ve opened and closed my heart.   So guess I’m standing at another closed door, trying to be patient with myself and forgiving.   I feel the presence of love, but I also feel the absence of it as well if that makes any kind of sense at all.  I see to be going over my past, and things I’ve done in the past.  At closed doors sometimes I hardened my heart so I wouldn’t feel hurt again, sometimes I jumped right back in ready and willing.  This time I’m just listening.  I’m letting my heart soften some. Letting myself feel separate from others.   Although I struggle at times.   I’m working through so many things, sometimes when I’m working on things like guilt and other things going through my mind, I project it, and brought another  into it, and after I did, I realized, and apologized.  So much I just have to work out for myself.  Trying to bring an awareness to my own thoughts.  I’m also trying to open myself up more to God, to the Divine, to open myself to Love.   I think back on all the things at one time I thought Brian was judging me about.   But now when I look at it, I realize it was just me judging myself.  I’ve been watching “The Bible” series on Wednesday nights at Bible study at church.  I’ve really enjoyed it, I decided to watch the whole thing yesterday.  Wow!  Powerful, really touched me.    I feel the Lord with me, and I know the door is not locked, and with Him I’m ready to take His hand and walk through.  He is the door to love without conditions.  I guess when I walk through, I will become part of that door.   I have to love myself without conditions or learn to.jesus1


~ by deveil on AprilUTCb000000pmSat, 20 Apr 2013 19:10:26 +000013 19, 2007.

2 Responses to “Still Thinking”

  1. Sometimes one of the hardest things in life to do is to submit ourselves 100% to God. We say I’ll let him into this part or that part of our lives, but we’ll keep this part off limits, because we might not like what He has to say.
    One of the greatest things I’ve discovered recently when it comes to love is “Become the person you’re looking for, who’s looking for” once we fix our internal selves, we start to radiate an outward glow.

  2. that was lovely ; thank you for posting this.

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