Thinking of Papa

It’s been 18 years since my grandfather passed away.  I think he would be 98 today if he was still alive.  But he’s still alive in my brain, or a part of him is still with me in my heart.  Papa battled prostrate cancer for many years.  It’s still hard for me to get past those last years.  I remember kneeling by his bed, and singing old hymns to him with the old tape recorder.  Many tears came out like a flood while I was there.  The finality of a life came too me on my last visit, and it was so overwhelming.  I think I had hoped for a miracle.  He was so strong to me, even laying in that bed, all I could see was Papa, my strong Papa.  There was even moments when he thought he was still strong Papa, for a moment once, he tried to get out of the bed and  get me to go for a ride.  I so wanted to take him on that ride, but no one would have it.  He joked when Mema and Tamara were in the other room, that I could sneak him out the back door.  I just laughed, and cried all in the same breath.  Even writing this now, I get kind of overwhelmed.  I think of that verse “Jesus wept”.  He cried because he knew the reality of Heaven.  I think my tears were mainly selfish tears, because I didn’t want to let him go.  But now I can cry because I know He’s waiting for us, but I do still miss him.  He loved all of us so much.  I still see his big hands,  I can still see his eyes, when he was looking at me.  I can see him smiling.   I can see me and Sherry hiding, waiting for him to come in from work, to scare him, every time he played along and acted scared.   The last thing he said to me  before he died, he looked me right in the eye and said, “I loved you from the day you were born.”   And boy did he!  Happy birthday Papa!   We all love you and miss you!

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~ by deveil on OctoberUTCb000000pmTue, 18 Oct 2011 18:07:33 +000011 19, 2007.

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