Happy Father’s Day to my dad and all the dad’s out there

19, 2011 at 2:13pm Today after church, I decided to take out my old vcr tape of me as a baby. They were tapes dating back to when my dad was in high school all the way till I was around 8 or nine. My grandfather had an old video recorder, he passed it on to my dad, and now I have it, it doesn’t work though, but I still have it as a reminder. Most of these old films I may have seen when I was younger but not as an adult. I saw these films of me as a baby and as a toddler. Sometime I guess in my teens I built up a resentment for my father. I had issues. Many I never discussed with him and kept them to myself, I had even at one time convinced myself that my dad didn’t even love me. Then I watched these video’s of a man with so much love in his eyes, so many dreams. He had this baby in his arms. (Me) He held me up and smiled like I’ve never remembered my dad smile. He laid in the bed with this baby, this little part of him and everything seemed to be alright in the world. I remember that first time watching it as an adult and I cried and cried hard. Because there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. Forget all the things that I thought he’d done wrong in raising me. Being to hard on me, feeling he didn’t love me for me. He did! It was right there on film and I had told myself something else. I’d convinced myself that wasn’t true. He did and he still does. I love him too! Life changes, and changes you. He is a good man! I got many wonderful things from him. He did have a big heart, even though he tried to hide it. I’m a dreamer much like he was or maybe still is. I miss many parts of him because I feel like I don’t know him as well as I’d like too. I know him much as I did as a child, but as an adult there is still much to learn, about myself and him as well. We all love him very much. Sherry, Dena, Lance, and I. We love you! Happy Father’s Day. Have you ever heard the phrase “Your just like your father”? That was not a phrase I heard much. If anything we were not a lot alike. We were very different. There was never an easiness between us. We were never very close, guess we still aren’t but I know him. And yes, I love him. I was raised in a family where I heard love talk from my mother. It was always soft, sweet, and gentle. Dad on the other hand was louder when he talked. He didn’t really wear his feeling on the outside for anyone to see. He didn’t feel he needed to chatter a lot to be heard like me. Even though we never talked about our feelings when I was akid and weren’t anything alike except maybe our looks. I always told myself I know he cares about me. Somehow I’ve always known that beneath the tough exterior was the most special, loving, and caring father in the world. After all I did catch him crying every now and then in a episode of “Little House on the Prairie”. So anyway guess I just want to say I do love my dad, even if we’ve never really shared much how we feel. He’s a lot different now than I remember as a child. Sometimes I wish I knew him better. He’s still a stranger to me at times, but maybe I’m a stranger to him as well. Happy Father’s Day

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~ by deveil on JuneUTCb000000pmSun, 19 Jun 2011 14:09:40 +000011 19, 2007.

One Response to “Happy Father’s Day to my dad and all the dad’s out there”

  1. I spent years hating my dad and wanting never EVER to be like him. He could be a bad dude. Yet, sometimes, when I look in the mirror, he stares back at me. Not just in looks (couldn’t blame me on the mailman) – but in so many ways, I’m like him. But I can make different choices (and I have).
    He’s still around. And I love him. And I know he loves me. The grace of forgiveness is powerful.

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