Hump Day

Little Man Aaron turned three yesterday.  Time sure flies, they all went to Disney this past weekend for his birthday.   Seems like yesterday he was born.  Seems that way with my niece and nephews.  I sure miss them and I’m ready for Thanksgiving.  What I realize today is I have to know and value my dreams and goals more highly than I value the expectations of other people.   This one has always been especially hard for me too.   I’ve always been a dreamer.   Dreams of grandeur.

So far no real signs only the thoughts of a dream I had,   I dreamed I was in my Mema’s house, my Nana was sitting on the couch by the door, my Mema was sitting in her usual chair.   My Papa was outside working in the yard,  at first it was like they had never died.   Like it was just a day, and I was wondering what my Nana was doing at my Mema’s.   Then I remembered, this is a dream, so I ran to my Nana and I kissed her on the lips, she didn’t turn away, I smeared my hands on my lips to see the brown lipstick on my hands to make sure it wasn’t a dream, I then turned into a little boy and ran to my Mema and sat in her lap and kissed her and loved her with all my love.   Then my Papa walked in sweaty from working in the yard and I ran to him and hugged him and kissed him.   When I awoke, I felt happy, like I was able to say goodbye to them, like I was able to give them every last bit of love I had for them, and they saw it.   The dream left me breathless…

Attempts at balance during the moments of turmoil, can be a tiring toil.
Balance then levels with perspective. Keeping it real to your heart.

My sun is still vibrant and warm. Filling my days with yellows, burnt oranges and blazing reds. My moonbeams fade in and out with shades of grays and whites. Occassionally yellows.

And in my dreams…
Well my dreams are there, waiting. Beckoning.  My dreams are part of the signs for me, I just know it!

In my dreams I  know that I have the capability to be anyone, to DO anything I wanted to…Yet I do not…..when I awake.

Perplexing. Yet I have come to terms with it. Accepted it.
Within that thought, there is no hint of failure.  I havn’t done it YET!  But I will, I’m still the bud I described yesterday, still waiting to bloom.

My dreams remain right where they have been all the while. Right there. In front of me.
All I have to do is reach out. Touch them, feel their illustrious coat. Feel the vibration of the energy they send throughout me.

They are not grand escapades of illusion or delusion. They are real.
And yet, I do not wrap my fingers around them, pull them in, covet them.

They would no longer be dreams. They would no longer be mine.
Crossing over into my realm would give them creedance. Hence …visible for peering eyes.

Maybe I like my dreams where they are.
Maybe I like where I am.

It is not so bad.
It is not so good.
Life is always just where it is…Not in the past, not in the future, but in the present!
I continue to look for the light, even though sometimes I feel the darkness around me. To keep the motion of moving forward?
Stagnation is worse than failute, to me. At least with failure I can pick up my ass off the damn floor and continue on…Stagnation leaves me, utterly helpless.
And I refuse to give in to it. Refuse to give such things a name.

The sun will rise. It will blaze those hues across my path and I will run for them. To soak in them. I can not change Time.
I have now.
I have now to dance.
To sing.
To say I love you.
I refuse to falter. Until I am given reason to do so. Even then, it will be brief.
For it is my dreams that keep the ebb.
It is my dreams that keep me flowing.
Even in my adversity.

It is my dreams that show me the signs.


Yes I had a nice day today, my heart skipped a beat, been a while


~ by deveil on OctoberUTCb000000pmWed, 29 Oct 2008 22:30:31 +000008 19, 2007.

4 Responses to “Hump Day”

  1. Pax

  2. Wow! That kid surely grows up fast! That’s such a warm picture of you and him when he was a baby.

  3. Sometimes dreams are just what we need…….

  4. Beautiful photos. I can stare at the first photo for a long time. It has such a beautiful warm spirit in it.The setting, the lighting etc. The photo is simply perfect. I truly love it. Brilliant, just brilliant.



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