A little heart

Lately I’ve been thinking about heart.  When do I ues mine, lately it seems I try and stay so busy, either with work, or the photography.   Or out with friends, or just out having some fun.   I wonder sometimes which is the real me.  There’s the fun wild Derek, that loves to have fun when he goes out.   No hair on the head but let the hair down so to speak.  There’s the serious Derek when he’s working or creative when I’m taking pictures.   Then there’s just the plain ole comfortable me when I’m with my friends.   But what’s at the heart of me.   I went to Europe a little over 10 years ago.    I had to get my new passport  when I went to the Bahamas, and my old passport had just run out.   In Europe I was enthralled by the old great cathedrals, they were breathtaking.   Their massive ceilings were too heavy for the walls to support, flying buttresses were built to support the expansive roofs.   Yes I took drafting in college, lol.   Our body is like these wonderful cathedrals.  We have these support extensions like the cathedrals buttresses that help hold us up while we remain weak at the core.   For me it’s my pastor, my therapist, my friends, my family, my church family, rules I’ve made for myself, books.  But how heavily can we depend on them.  I think they are important to the body, but I think we shouldn’t depend on them too heavily.   I think only we know how to build our healthy heart.  I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.  I guess that in our heart, it’s the place where its just one on one with us and God.  Where he meets and relates to us personally.  It’s where  He allows us to respond to His correction.  Sometimes my heart is open, but sometimes I feel its closed so tight.   I know my life and relationship is changing.  I want to open my heart.   I want help letting my heart trust again, that’s what I yearn for the most.  I also wonder how to bring all these me’s together as one.  Sometimes I wonder if my friends know which one I really am, guess they don’t if I don’t.  But between God and me I know!


~ by deveil on JulyUTCb000000pmThu, 03 Jul 2008 17:52:56 +000008 19, 2007.

2 Responses to “A little heart”

  1. Why, my dear man, do you have to be defined by one or two things? Are you not many emotions? The wild, fun side is perfectly in tune with the serious, concerned citizen. A heart can be opened and closed in a second.
    Feel a warm breeze, it’s open; hear a comment that hurts, it’s closed. You are many things. That’s the joy, isn’t it?
    And we can depend on those around us as heavily as they let us.
    Just be you. In all its glory.

  2. When we open our heart, we open ourselves to hurt and pain, but we also open ourselves to life and to love.

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