New Year’s Eve thoughts on the New Year

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When I was a young boy, my mother read all the time, it was one of her favorite things to do.   My dad wasn’t a big reader, but he did read these Louis L’amour books, it was one of the only things that I knew we had in common when I was a young boy becoming a man.   I even hid the fact that I read them and enjoyed them.   Because for some reason our relationship grew so distant that I told myself I wanted to be the opposite of him.   Inside I know I just wanted him to acknowledge me more.    

I fear there will be no futurefor those who do not change.  

Louis L’amour 

There is something about the New Year that sends a person reaching deep down inside, into a quandry of thoughts, well maybe not every person, but it does me.   I start questioning the past and the future, weighing significance against irrelevance.   The first of the first month, in a new year 2008.  You can do an about face, stop looking to the previous months and face the coming twelve months with a new hope, a new optimism, a clean slate if you may.   Is it an illusion I wonder?  Everything that I’ve been faced with for the last few weeks, or months, I will still be facing.  Maybe I just feel a renewed inner effort to stand again, fight and make the things happen that I so badly desire.  I think most people that know me or meet me think of me as an optimist, in the mist of a struggle I can find the good in it.   I’m usually calm, my desires for change are silent and constantly rebuilding.   I toss thoughts and idea’s around with silent tribute.   A smile on my face and a fight wagering inside.People often call me a bear, and I sometimes feel like a caged bear, I feel it inside me pacing about, waiting for signs of spring.   A time of renewal or rebirth.   Everything has had it’s time to rest, sleep away the cold and isolation.   I’ve had time to reflect, redefine what has been wonderful and what has become irrelevant.Honestly folks I have felt so tired lately.   Slept a lot, took many naps.   I’m ready to wake up.   Even if New Year’s Day is an illusion.   I still keep in my mind that as I wake up that day which may be late, cause I do plan on having fun tonight.  I will wake with my perspective intact, rejuvenated and ready.   What kind of adventures will I take this new year of 2008.  What kind of difference can I make in my own life… and the lives of the people I hold dear to my heart… what types of experiences will I reflect on next December when I again settle into quiet reflections… will I be the person I wanted to be, find the courage to make the sacrafices and changes I know I must…will I be sitting there a year from now reading past entries of New Year’s and how I have reflected on them like I’m doing this year?  I’ve been asked by a few people do I have a new year’s resolutions like I usually always do, but this year none for me.  The major changes came for me a few months ago, and here today, I know I’ll be standing with God at my side, and inside my heart taking me, giving me another day whatever it brings.  I have seen the air of sadness of those whose quest was perfection in everything.   Then there are us those wandering soul’s, we inperfect’s, searching for the unique, searching for suck things such as soulmates, perfection, internalizing other’s pain as if it were our own.   A casuality in my own right.  Amazing how your own words, your own mind can backfire on you. One sentence takes your emotions down a path you had rather not divulged.  Typing does that to a person.   Writing, can be an ali or our own undoing.  Today it feels it’s going to work away from me.   Too many thoughts running around in here to be let loose at my fingertips……………..    When I was a teenage boy I used to read the journals of Soren Kierkegaard to this woman he loved names Regine Olsen.   I was always intrigued by his writings of love her.  Funny how different authors and things I read come to mind, but one of his quotes was

“Life could only be understood backwards, but must be lived forward” 

This quote comes to mind today, because for so long I didn’t understand it, I was really young when I read it.   But I understand it now.  I just hope I can live it the way I’m supposed to!        

As long as I can remember I’ve always looked in so many directions.  When I first started my blog it was called Past, Present, and Future, I’m sure most of you know I’ve been looking in two directions a lot, the past, and the future. There is a prayer that goes “Father we surrender this past year and give it up to You. We give You our failures, our regrets, and our disappointments, for we have no more use for them. Make us new people, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on towards that which lies ahead of us. We give You all our hopes and dreams for the future. Purify them by Your Spirit so that our wills shall truly reflect Your will for us.” Here we are another year. 2007! I want to be encouraged by my successes of the past, and be guided by what I know is out there in spirit. I guess its good to look both ways. Past and future. I know I am never alone. But it’s even better to be in the now!  The victories of the past give courage for the future. I know this is going to be a great year! Happy New Year to all. 

I took this picture of me last year after I took my first shower of the 2007, yeah I looked a little groggy to say the least, I may if I’m brave enough post one tomorrow morning after my first shower of 2008.

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~ by deveil on DecemberUTCb000000pmMon, 31 Dec 2007 17:58:01 +000007 19, 2007.

7 Responses to “New Year’s Eve thoughts on the New Year”

  1. Happy New Year Derek. And thanks for this; more than you know.

  2. Happy New Year to you too 🙂

  3. Happy 2008 to you, Derek. I hope this year is full of love, growth, and understanding for all of us. *big hug*

  4. Happy days, my friend. And thanks for the phone message!

  5. i like to read you as you have such a positive approach to things, without discarding the sorrows.
    Happy New Year; may 2008 be good to you.

  6. Happy new year, Derek!

  7. Great post! But I do have to say WOOF on that picture! 😉 Have a great year!

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