Dream and thoughts

I dreamed of two little Derek’s twin Derek’s of about the age of five.  The difference was one was the sweet Derek, the good Derek, the other was mean, he was picking on the sweet Derek, hitting him, telling him to shut up, the Derek, me of the present knew what was going on, and opened a door and yelled at the mean little Derek, and said did you hit him.   I said it so mean, that it scared the little mean Derek.   The thing was in this dream I saw through all six eyes.   I saw how scared I even scared the little mean Derek and I woke up.   I awoke thinking wow Derek your in conflict with yourself.  Today I went to church like I usually do on Sunday mornings, our pastor talked about the dark and the light.   Also how sometimes how we are at in between places and how hard we want to know what is to come.   How we can find ourselves in dark places by not just letting ourselves get there.   We have purpose.  I find myself in a new beginning so to speak.  At times I wonder how I got in this place in my life at this moment.  I start again fresh and keep the best parts of the past close to my heart and in my mind remember ing  the mistakes and try to learn from them.  Hopeing I won’t repeat them.   WE can’t change who other people are, only ourselves.   So I’m moving forward with my life and hopefully will cross paths with someone who thinks and feels the same way.   Lately I feel I’ve been in a desperate search.   Trying to find myself.  But I am being reminded, maybe I’m not in desperate search for anything.    A friend wrote me something, if you look for it, you’ll only find YOUR version of it.   If it finds you, it’ll last forever.   So I just keep pluggin away and doing what I need to feel good with who I am and what I believe. It’s been a nice weekend.   Yesterday was Julie and Theresa’s Christmas party, the first one I’ve been too this year.   It was a lot of fun.   Lots of good food, drink, and company.   Today after church my friends Karl, Turk, Cox, and Gavin helped me get my new couch from my friends Dan and Brent, it is so comfortable.  I really like it.   Hope everyone has a great week.  Blessings going out to everyone!  Inthe dark last week, I sat mesmorized by the fire.   Thinking of the past, the present, and the future.  In the dark was a light of the fire.  

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~ by deveil on DecemberUTCb000000pmSun, 02 Dec 2007 19:18:22 +000007 19, 2007.

3 Responses to “Dream and thoughts”

  1. blessings to you too!
    remember, it is never a question of ‘do I have a Shadow’ it is ‘where is my Shadow now?”

  2. Clearly you need to be spanked, shadow and all 😛

  3. My only advice regarding a search for self is to not limit yourself to one avenue. I am in the midst of a similar search, and I find different answers from different approaches. None of the answers are complete in and of themselves, but as I piece different bits together, I hope to find an ever-more-complete whole.

    If only I felt as with-it as that sounded.

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