More Thoughts


I  sit in the house last night, in the dark  reflecting on the past year. I thought of all the times, the tender times of the heart, I thought of a peaceful mind, which I so long for, I also thought of the other times. Both have something to do with quality, the quality of feeling and reasoning.
I’ve been writing about new beginnings lately, each day it brings something new.  Yesterday morning it was raining, and a lady I’d never talked to in our building was wearing all bright yellow.   I told her she looked like the sun, she turned to smile, and her smile turned to a look of horror, I was like what could I have done to make her give me a face like that, she pointed down, my fly was wide open.   I was so embarrassed, now I can’t help but laugh every time I see this woman.   This morning I started my day by stepping in a big pile of dogpoop.   I didn’t know it at the time, but half way to work I started smelling it, when I opened my door I inspected a shoe full of it, the day has got better though.   I think of this day and compare it to my year.  Here it is a few months before the end of the year, one that has been a trying, sometimes beautiful, sometimes uneasy, joyful, and painful year for me. I look forward to dawn tomorrow and, as the days seem to be getting shorter, they go so fast and to begin to feel my way into newness. It is not strange though it is mysterious that this new time comes at a dark time, although I’m still searching for the light. When there is personal darkness, when there is pain to be overcome, when we are forced to renew ourselves against all the odds, the psychic energy required simply to survive has tremendous force. This is me in the dark with a little light from my window. I put myself in darkness although, I feel the light coming at sunrise as great as that of a flower pushing up through icy ground in spring, so after the overcoming, there is extra energy, a flood of energy that can go into creation. This morning I woke up feeling it, knowing it, trusting it even with doggie poo on my shoe. 

Well I’ll load it tonight, it’s not working here at work at the moment.

~ by deveil on OctoberUTCb000000pmThu, 25 Oct 2007 14:11:10 +000007 19, 2007.

4 Responses to “More Thoughts”

  1. Okay, I don’t know why, but there’s something oddly comfortable and consistent with the idea of you smiling, even with a pile of dog shit on your foot. Makes me think that maybe my day is not so bad after all!

  2. Wonderful words of hope and empowerment. Thanks.

  3. Ok…a look of horror on her face. Were you freeballing? LOL.

    ‘D’, that pic is kinda spooky…I’m not liking the texture of it. Somehow it is reminding me of the cadavors in THE BODY museum exhibition that has been on the road from city museum to city museum.

  4. you are a thoughtful writer.

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