Got up early and let the dogs out, and fed the cats over at Berry and Susan’s, then went to church, it was a good sermon, about healing.  Yesterday I turned my ring around.  What ring you may say, well years ago Mike gave me a Claddagh ring, I put it on my finger, and that Christmas I gave him one as well.   They were placed on our hands with the hearts pointing towards our heart, meaning we were taken.   It also symbolized our commitment to me as well.  Many of you have asked how Mike is and have we spoken.  He is doing good, yes we have spoken.  He has had some problems with some dizziness last week, think it was red tide from the Ocean, he had asked me if I had been and I said no, then I remembered going the other morning for a run and to watch the sunrise.  So far no effects to me.   But he said he’d had some problems with like vertigo, and had to get it checked out.   We are both doing our best with what we have to get on with life.   We don’t talk a lot, but he’s doing good to all who have asked about him.  Yesterday I told myself I was going to love the world, or I said to myself.  The day felt good.  Yesterday for the first time I was able to take off my claddagh ring, and change the hearts positioning. With the new positioning comes a new life, one that will empower me to make whatever changes I need to in my life.  I wrote to a friend yesterday of many of these thoughts.  I guess my beliefs.   God’s Love is a given…it’s not something we earn, it’s not something we ever is something we are born with and it’s always with us.. The rules handed down are rules of relationship.   If we break God’s rules we don’t lose His love, we lose our trust in ourselves and our ability to believe in God.. we also lose our trust in others, we damage or destroy our relationships.   This is something I feel I’ve learned, not soon enough I add.  I’ve hurt people in my lifetime, and I’ve been hurt by people.   If we break the rules of our relationship we lose each others trust.. but one never stops loving the other even if that is briefly turned to anger or hate, it is only the flip side of love and rarely ever last as hate or anger.  What lasts and what is almost impossible to repair is broken trust.   God has loved us from the day we were born.   He does that with every new day He give us to live: every situation he asks us to handle: and does that with every person he brings into our lives.   I’m so thankful for all the people He’s brought into my life.   I truly believe that what we really are searching for in our lives is someone to whom we can say “I love you” and  feel the freedom to express that, and that the person will truly love us back.  Trust is so important.    This is why, once I decide to make a commitment to someone it is total commitment…it is not a guarantee that God will let us be together for life, but it is a guarantee that that as long as God will let us be together I can be trusted to honor our commitments to each other.  That is what I am going to be about that is the promise I made with the claddagh when we gave it to each other three years ago.  I was worried I couldn’t take it off.   But I have realized now I can keep it on, just with the heart turned in the other direction.   It still symbolizes for me what is possible, and that I was able to keep my promise.  It has been a hard day and I just try and remember God loves me, now it’s up to me to find a way to carry out my mission in life within the confines of life.  More on that later.  


~ by deveil on OctoberUTCb000000pmSun, 21 Oct 2007 15:51:02 +000007 19, 2007.

4 Responses to “Thoughts”

  1. I came to you because you wrote about vertigo and I have and continue suffering from it . . . gee . . . going on nearly 11 months now.

    After reading your post I have to say that the thing that struck me most is “carry out my mission in life without the confines of life.” For me, being confined with vertigo has forced me to assess how to live my life in spite of my veritgo; how to still live out my dreams and goals whether I can walk a straight line or not.

    I can only say that, from my experience, these thingd can be done and that you can live your mission in spite of whatever confines come along. In the end, the commitments we make to ourselves and our spiritual paths are all that matter.


  2. im sorry i hurt you derek

  3. It is hard sometimes to remember, when we live a world in which the world and those who claim to be God’s people spew forth hatred and judgment on others for many reasons, that in spite of what we do we cannot lose God’s love. As you noted, it is his gift to us, bestowed, not earned. May it be both strength and light to you as he leads you into your future.

  4. Derek…

    I disagree with one item here…that trust can never be replenished again. It can…it takes a great soul to FORGIVE and LOVE. Not the easiest thing for most humans to do. But it is attainable.

    Hmmmm! Who is Anonymous? 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: