Thoughts on my morning

beachsunset.jpg

It’s exhilaratingly cold for a change, cold and bright.  There is a briskness in the air, that I love, it reminds me of October in Gatlinburg, I open all my windows and lay on the bed and just enjoy the feeling.   There have been many moments of pure joy this week.  There have been moments of pure pain.  Maybe it’s the exercise, not sure, but I’m going to try to stay on the same road.  Just not overdo it.  This morning when I got up for my run I decided to do a morning beach jog.  I looked for birds but only saw a few fly over, so today was pretty sparse for birdwatching.  So I just eased into the sounds of the wind and the surf.  Funny how we can find joy out of such small things.  The new toothbrush I bought even brought me joy as I brushed my teeth this morning.  Ok, now I’m getting carried away.  But quite honestly the early morning is the time of purest joy, somehow I’ve forgotten this.  When I lived at the beach I always went to bed by 9, and was up early to enjoy it.  I’ve been doing that again now.  I also cleaned out my car today.  I’d somehow just lost that feeling of the early mornings, maybe because I never went to bed till 11 or later, and early mornings I mostly feel groggy.  I hit the sack by 9 last night and was up early.  I did enjoy it, how the sun shines as it rises.  So my day was started with a lift.  The river sounded nice as it felt. 

There is still an undertow of depression, well I’m not going to say depression, but grieving.  I watch shows at night that I know are going to make me cry, so I just go ahead and get all the tears out that I can.   I still miss him at times, but find myself letting go piece by piece.   I hope he’s as happy as I was this morning I even texted him to have a sunshiny day, and he texted me to have a good morning.   I chatted with friends on the phone today.   Old friends, new friends, and family.  Well got to be running, bless me a lot today, and bless anyone reading this out there a lot as well.

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~ by deveil on OctoberUTCb000000pmSat, 13 Oct 2007 13:06:12 +000007 19, 2007.

4 Responses to “Thoughts on my morning”

  1. you are wise man to know the differene between depression and grieving.
    and you are very fortunate to have even one moment of joy, let alone a few!

  2. Derek, it is nice to hear that you feel better now. Give yourself some more time. Wish you best luck for everything.

  3. It gets better — day by day! As you soul search, you will find that you are stronger than you think! Take care Big Guy!!!

  4. “I watch shows at night that I know are going to make me cry.”

    I do the same thing. Feels better, doesn’t it?

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