It hurts, and I do too

horseboy.jpg

I’ve often mentioned to Mike my love of the Narnia Chronicle’s when I was a young boy.   When “The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe” came out at the movies he was so happy to go with me because he knew how much I loved the series.   Yesterday I got an email from him, which he wrote “I believe I made the right move by leaving . you seem happier . I”m glad you are yourself again.”  I wouldn’t think of myself as happier.  I write to stay strong.  One of my favorite books from the Chronicle’s was “The Horse and His Boy”.   The horses name was Bree, and he always considered the boy a foal and in desperate need of training.   I think the boy’s name was Shasta, wasn’t there a drink called that.   Anyway the horse was always quite proud and gave off air’s.   He always thought of himself as brave and strong.   Then one day he hears the roar of the mighty Aslan, King of Narnia he flees and runs in fear.   Later Shasta meets Aslan, and then Bree admits to be a frightened failure.   The king of Narnia gives praise to Aslan because he was able to admit his shortcomings.    Mike later told me he was going on my blog for my sounds of happiness.   I didn’t think I came across as happy that he was gone, because there is nothing further than the truth.  I admit my shortcomings,  I miss him.   I’m just trying to be strong.   I’m trying to make the best with the situation that has been dealt me.   I feel so many series of emotions from day to day.   Life sure has a way of exposing the flaws of our own personal vanity.   I’m not perfect by any means, and I sure don’t want to come across that way.   This is not something I’m proud of, I’m definitely not sitting around being happy.   I just want us both to be happy.   I’m not just thinking of myself, he continues to be in my thoughts and prayers as well.   I’m trying so hard to just humble myself.  I don’t write to say I’m happy, but I try and stay happy so there is still light.   Not sure if all this makes since.   If I come across as proud or happy, I’m more like Bree, but I’m trying to be more like Aslan or closer to Aslan anyway.

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~ by deveil on SeptemberUTCb000000amMon, 17 Sep 2007 10:56:51 +000007 19, 2007.

7 Responses to “It hurts, and I do too”

  1. Hmmmm …
    I don’t know a lot of what you’ve been going through (I have to catch up with your archives) but I don’t get a sense that you’ve been happy. It seems to me like you’re struggling through some rough times and are just hoping for the best for everyone involved. I hope you keep blogging as you normally would, it’s a good way to express how you feel.

  2. It seems like I can only see the light as long as I keep my chin up.

  3. im sorry i assumed that derek my thoughs are with you

  4. good books those narnia books
    i recall that aslan was very patient with bree, and asks him to smell/touch Him etc. so he would believe and not be so silly but he he didn’t judge; he merely instructed.

  5. Hang in there bud! Each day will get better!

  6. We all deserve to be happy. Sometimes we have to make hard decisions to get there.

  7. Take care of yoruself, Derek. Life moves on but it takes time Just give yourself time to recove. Best luck to you.

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