My answer to Tony’s question

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I read a lot of journals, they are all very interesting to me, many I noticed are full of struggle, even mine. Over at Tony’s Brushstrokes , he asks a simple question or not. Is life really a bitch? I’m at a point in my life where it seems I find myself praying please, no more life struggles, I shouldn’t be struggling like this! But why not? I answer back. Usually I say I can hear God talking by just asking a yes or no question, but this time, the voice in my mind was saying this. Not what I wanted to hear. Maybe it’s pride, not sure. I think I thought by the time I turned 39 I’d be more of where I wanted to be, and less struggling. But here I am 39, where I am supposed to be and struggling. Not a bad struggle, just the ordinary. I read other struggles much harder than mine, but with those struggles I still feel faith, I still feel strength, and it only makes me stronger. That story comes to mind I’ve read so many times about the man and the cocoon of the butterfly, can’t seem to find it, but I’m sure if you’ve read it you know what I mean. Sometimes the struggle is exactly what we need to become what God intends us to be. Sometimes life is a bitch, sometimes so are we. But the alternative is no life. I choose life, even if it’s a bitch at times and we have our struggles.  I think what our buddy Marc (The_Gay_Dude ) wrote not so long ago in my blog.  Here are his words.

For about the past 15 years i’ve had this ritual with falling asleep…..i start with the last thing I did that day (usually brushed my teeth or had sex lol)…..and i think backwards of everything which occured that day…..the shitty things that happened to me or I did myself…..i quickly skip over…..the good things that happened to me or I did myself…..i ponder over for a bit….as i drift to the very first thing I did for the day…..which was wake up……It’s the best way…..in the world to fall asleep…..like a lil reward for the experience of that day

I still miss him!  Life’s a bitch and I love every minute of every day!

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~ by deveil on JulyUTCb000000pmWed, 11 Jul 2007 21:08:47 +000007 19, 2007.

6 Responses to “My answer to Tony’s question”

  1. That sounds like something Marc would’ve said. I’m going to be 39 in about 2 weeks. Believe me, I understand where you’re coming from. I think it’s a difficult age, in many ways.

  2. Nice to know my post really stirred your mind. It’s how I am feeling as of late, the immediate late. Getting through this week but that’s about it. I feel BLAH! But as I said in my answer to my own post, no challenges…no gain personally.

  3. I thought that I wouldn’t be struggling at 45, but that’s not the case. There are many days when I just sit and think about how easy it would be to be homeless in this society. I don’t mean easy as in the lifestyle, but easy at suddenly becoming homeless. One wouldn’t have to struggle with paying all of the bills one faces, but alas, I imaging struggling to stay alive on the mean streets is probably worse.

    I don’t foresee a time in my life when life won’t be a struggle. I am thankful that I have my husband and partner to help me and me to help him.

  4. May we all have the strength to continue our struggles.

  5. Great post, Derek! The good thing is that you have Mike and your family to walk with you through the up and down of the life.

  6. that was lovely, thank you

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