Words from the past

scancrickett.jpgTony over at Life’s Colorful Brushstrokes last few posts have got me thinking back on the subject of coming out.  I’ve been out now for years.   I officially came out in 1992.  I plan on sharing that story, but I thought of a new subject for a weekly post, it’s going to be “Words from the Past”, I’ve me journaling since I was 12 years old, I have 14 journals along with all these blogs.   So in reading Tony’s post’s I decided to go back and see what I was writing back in those days right before coming out.   I’m not sure how this will work, but here goes.

March 16, 1992

“Someone once said, “We must love one another or die!” I think I undersand it better now than I did in Mrs. Royal’s 10th grade class in high school.  Just like everyone I’ve known, me included, has been in a series of relationships, both good and bad.   I thank my maker for all of them.   Through all these things I’ve survived: my childhood, high school, and hopefully now.   I’m coming close to maturity.  Can’t be Peter Pan forever.   I’ve learned about losing, winning, letting go, and not being to scared.   I want to relate with so many.  That’s why I’ve been a little depressed.  I find my relationships with people my source of happiness.   By going home and really relating brough me to this overwhelming feeling.  I watched this movie tonight “The House on Maple Drive”, and it got me thinking about honesty.  I’ve been living a lie since I was a teenager.   I wish I could tell my family and get it over.   I’ve told so many lies since I was a kid trying to hide the dirty little truth.  I don’t think I lie as bad now except when I go home.   Maybe that’s why I live so far from home.  I think having to hide what I really is most of the problem.   I want to be more honest, I think it would help me more today.   The truth is always difficult.  Turst is impossible without it.  So to tell a lie or not to tell a lie that is the question.   Honesty and the truth is what I’m striving for.   Give me strength.  Time for bed, Crickett just came and licked my face, she’s ready for me to turn the light off.

Advertisements

~ by deveil on FebruaryUTCb000000pmThu, 22 Feb 2007 14:20:58 +000007 19, 2007.

One Response to “Words from the past”

  1. I think this is goin gto be a great installment Derek. I am always fascinated at what people were thinking at specific times. I wish I had gotten the “journal bug” years ago. I’m looking forward to see how things evolved for you as you started your journey out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: