Still Thinking

Brian and me on our way to see “Wicked”

deveil — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 18:48:23 +0000

Excited

deveil — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:01:49 +0000

Wow the weather is changing, I was in shorts and cut off shirt earlier now I’m in this. I’m so excited! Brian is on his way here, and I’ll be picking him up from the airport in a few hours! Have had a nice day today. Finished reading Mitch Albom’s “For One More Day”, this book touched me on so many different levels! I had a nice talk with my mom after I read it too. I’m so blessed to have such a wonderful mother! I read from John again this morning. ”And of his fulness have all we received, and grace for grace. John 1:16 My spirit has been filled today! I’m really excited and can’t wait to see Brian! Have really missed him. Well for once I feel like I’m without words so I’m off to jog. Can’t believe the Gate River Run will be in March already.

Child of Light

deveil — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 22:29:45 +0000

I’ve sat out on the water behind the house today. Hoping and praying that as Brian and I grow together in this new year of 2012, that we also grow in our understanding of God. I wrote most of this in an email to him earlier, and after I wrote it, thought I’d put some of the ideas on my blog as well. For me it’s more about learning to trust Him. I have grown and changed in my understanding of this greater power, not as in smarter, but what I’m experiencing since I let him lead me. I know He wants to give us all the good we can handle. God understands me. No matter how I understand him, I’m always grateful He understands me. These are the first words I’ve wrote to Brian in an email for 2012 on this beautiful day her in Jacksonville. It’s winter time and the view behind the house is different, the leaves are gone from the trees, but it’s warm out. It’s peaceful as the sun shines down on my skin, and the energy I feel from the nature around me, and the calming effect of the water and to surrender to a higher power. Just saying. O.k. God, I hear you, thank you, and I’ll do whatever you want. I wrote more but this was the gist of it! So here’s a picture of me in the light of this new day of this NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year

deveil — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 18:30:38 +0000

In 1999 I started a time travelers journal, a place for me to reflect on the past, present, and future as I was traveling towards the turn of the century and the beginning of a new millennium. I made wishes for the 21st centrury. I made visions of what the Big Picture was for me at the time. Here it is another New Year and I’m still feeling I’m looking for many of the same things. I’m still looking for the “Big Picture” so to speak. I’m still looking for peace of mind, and purpose. I also am lucky and blessed to have someone to share my life with, and have many visions and hopes for a future for us. I go back twelve years and read over my journals and I’m thankful. I remember those really hard times I was going through. I feel stronger in many ways today. I’ve started my past years in many different emotions. I’ve talked about pains in the past, but it really wasn’t so painful or hard as the first steps I took twelve years ago. I also read of New Years’s of this closeness I felt with nature or the spirit. I still long for that closeness. I’m still looking for happiness within myself. I think about the first steps of healing or recovering that I took , and I think now, am I still recovering?
Another New Year yes, started my morning by going to church at Riverside United Church of Christ. www.riverside-ucc.org I’m getting over a Christmas cold but feeling much better. I came home to some quiet time. Am cleaning house, washing clothes, all those things we do at the beginning of a new year. I’ve had my quiet time and read from the book of John some. John 1:1 “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” Im enjoying sitting with these words today or WORDS.

I spent much of last night reflecting on the past year. I thought of all the times, the tender times of the heart, I thought of a peaceful mind, which I so long for. Both have something to do with quality, the quality of feeling and reasoning.
I thought here it is the last day of what has been a trying, sometimes beautiful, sometimes uneasy, joyful, and painful year for me. I look forward to dawn tomorrow and, as the days get longer, to begin to feel my way into newness. It is not strange though it is mysterious that our “New Year” comes at the darkest time in the seasonal cycle. When there is personal darkness, when there is pain to be overcome, when we are forced to renew ourselves against all the odds, the energy required simply to survive has tremoundouse force. I did some self potraits last night, I put myself in darkness on purpose, knowing the light would come at sunrise as great as that of a flower pushing up throuch icy ground in spring, so after the overcoming, there is extra enerygy, a flood of energy that can go into creation. This morning I woke up feeling it, knowing it, trusting it. Funny enough our sermon today was much on the Light as well. ”This Little Light of Mine I’m going to Let it shine”. Posting last night’s picture, but going to try and do a Light self portrait today for the New Year.

For the new year I find myself really interested in my genealogy again, and have been working on that, I’ve been doing Way Back Wednesdays Posts on Facebook, turning back to roots and the great influences, going back in order to draw strentgth from some of the deep sources and people that have shaped my life;family and friends. I spoke of reflections the day before New Years, but still find myself looking back. I feel on this day the first day of 2012, I am in a quiet way blooming. This year I have goals, no resolutions, just goals, hope, and FAITH. I have a few projects I want to get involved in for the New Year and look forward to those. I look forward to seeing Brian, he comes to town tomorrow and am so looking forward to starting my year with him in my arms.

I’ve been looking in two directions a lot, the past, and the future. There is a prayer that goes “Father we surrender this past year and give it up to You. We give You our failures, our regrets, and our disappointments, for we have no more use for them. Make us new people, forgetting what lies behind and pressing on towards that which lies ahead of us. We give You all our hopes and dreams for the future. Purify them by Your Spirit so that our wills shall truly reflect Your will for us.” I love this prayer. This is my prayer for the new year. Here we are another year. 2012! I want to be encouraged by my successes of the past, and be guided by what I know is out there in spirit. I guess its good to look both ways. Past and future. I know I am never alone. I love my now! The victories of the past give courage for the future. I know this is going to be a great year! Happy New Year to all! Now to go find a picture of me in the LIGHT!

Resolutions? Still Thinking

deveil — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 16:29:47 +0000

I was going back and reading some of my old entries in my ole Still Thinking blog. I went back to August of this past year http://deveil.wordpress.com/2011/08/29/yep-still-thinking/

In reading it, just thought it would be a good entry for the coming New Year. Yep, I’ve been looking back, looking at now, and looking at the future. In his painting, “An Allegory of Prudence,” 16th century Venetian artist Titian portrayed Prudence as a man with three heads. One head was of youth facing the future, another was of a mature man eyeing the present, and the third was of a wise old man gazing at the past. Over their heads Titian wrote a Latin phrase that means, “From the example of the past, the man of the present acts prudently so as not to imperil the future.” With the new year right around the corner, I think we need this kind of wisdom to overcome the anxiety created by our past failures and the fear of repeating them in the future-an anxiety that keeps us from living to the fullest now. Sometimes I try to forget my past and anticipate the future. My memory hasn’t been erased but I do feel more free of any guilt I may have felt from some of my past actions. I have to forgive myself, and hope that I have been forgiven by any I may have hurt, but know in my heart I have been forgiven by God. As we close the chapter of 2011 this weekend, I believe with His help I will be able to live fully in the present and I will gain wisdom from the past and face the future with courage. There’s a saying, can’t remember where it came from but it goes “Don’t ever let your bleak past overshadow a bright future.” I like that. I hope everyone has a blessed and wonderful Happy New Year! My resolution is to LIVE, to LOVE, to LAUGH, to do all the above with quality, commitment and holding the hand of Jesus, who promised He would never leave nor forsake us.

I have a few others too, we’ll just have to see on those.

Christmas 2011

deveil — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 14:39:39 +0000

Eli and Ethan on Thanksgiving

deveil — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:24:27 +0000

Lance and Autumn and Gavin on Thanksgiving

deveil — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:23:04 +0000

Dena on Thanksgiving

deveil — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:20:49 +0000

Sherry and Andy on Thanksgiving

deveil — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 22:19:48 +0000